I feel like I can't hold on for much longer. But I keep holding. I have to hold because there is no other reasonable choice. The reality of it all hits me hard. That the nameless faceless thing is something I even think about, that I can be hospitalized one day in a psyche ward. I hope it doesn't come to that and that is why I keep fighting.
I hate writing about the reality of it. It took me fifteen minutes to write the above paragraph because I don't know if I should admit those things. Those fears, those ever present feelings. As David Bazan sings "it's good to have options", yet the options are killing me.
Dear Catherine, I know it feels like you are stuck right now, but I'm here to tell you that that's only temporary. At some point you'll shed your parents' old "stuff" like a stuffy old coat and then you'll see that you are your very own person underneath, making your very own life! You'll be able to say good bye to all that old stuff and you'll shine!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I can tell that just by the fact you are writing about this, you are making your own way. You do see your options, even though some of them may not look good to you, but that means that you are less stuck already than you think!
You have people in your life now who love you and that's wonderful and worth so much! I know you'll get unstuck and find your way!!
Love, Silke
P.S. I know I'm repeating myself, but you take the most gorgeous photos! WOW!!
By the way, please feel free to let me know if I drive you crazy with my comments... After all, I don't really know what's going on with you. I'm just cheering you on as someone who has been in the depths of despair and has made it out. I can tell you this - when you make it through this there's not much that will ever shake you up again... Love, Silke
ReplyDeleteSilke,
ReplyDeleteNever worry about bothering me with your comments. They mean a lot to me and encourage me a lot. Just that someone would take the time to listen and comment, means a lot.
Love, Catherine