the truth

Yesterday I had some realizations in therapy. My doctor looked through my file and read my blog and came up with some notes. He discovered a common theme through them all that we talked about. The theme is that I don't have my own truth. I know this sounds horribly cliche' and Oprah, but in an actual sense it is quite true. I am like a little blob with no form and no truth. It's like I am floating around in a stream with nothing to grasp onto for stability. I need to figure out what I think about things, what I believe and who I am. My doctor told me I need to get to my raw self, my true self. This is sort of exciting/scary.

A lot of times I feel like I know where I need to be, I know what I want, but I don't know how to get there. I feel like I am on one side of a river and the things I want are on the other and there is no way across the river. This is so frustrating, but I think this whole truth thing will help me find the way.