Friday, April 9, 2010

"just tie the rope, and kick the chair, just leave me hanging there gasping for air..."

I feel vast and ghastly. In spite of losing six pounds, I think I look worse than ever. It's so frustrating, I am completely unappealing, double chinned, and thick. I cried about this last night and he said "you're pretty" and I rolled my eyes.

It's so hard not being what you want to be or think you should be and feeling all this pressure on your shoulders to be that thing. Sometimes I feel like the pressure is so strong I am going to suddenly drill into the ground.

I really don't know who I am or who I want to be, I just know I want to be lovable and gorgeous and something I'm entirely not. I need to exercise today but don't want to in order to protest this image of perfection I somehow have to meet up to, self imposed mostly. This is all black and white thinking...


  1. Man.. black and white thinking sucks. I hate it :( I am sorry you are struggling with self-image. I completely understand how hard it is to look at yourself and be happy with what you see. It takes practice.

  2. Catherine, can relate to the b&w thinking. Dear one I am here listening. That last paragraph says it all. ((((Catherine))))