Friday, April 16, 2010


Yes I am growing herbs, and yes, I haven't killed them yet. Yes it is 3 am, and yes, I am blogging. The last three nights I have woke at 3 and not been able to fall back to sleep for at least an hour. It's really frustrating. Tonight I'm denying my pop tart comfort, I'm tired of eating for oh so many reasons.

I look horrible these days. I never ever ever thought I would be a "fat" person. Maybe this is just 3 am thinking. I wish I had more motivation to take better care of myself but I'm so fucking exhausted emotionally trying to stay afloat. I'm having one of those "why me?" moments. Why do I have to struggle so hard to be "cute", to be healthy both physically and emotionally?

I'm sick of taking pills, I'm sick of being so tired, I'm sick of 3 am wanderings.


  1. ((((Catherine))))
    Here with you listening dear one.

  2. I've been waking up early and in the middle of the night as well. Good thing I don't have to work during the day - that way I can take a nap if I need to. I wish I would have gotten up and blogged a little. Although with the time difference, it's only a little past four where you are now... I hope you have gone back to sleep!! Much love, Silke

  3. I loved the community of those who blog between 3 Am and 4:30 AM. I would too, if I had left my computer upstairs...

    You have wise and wonderful friends Catherine. I am happy for you. And I am proud that you are figuring out who you are and what you want to be.

    Do it for you. Do it because it is the best for your well being.

    I love Catherine.

  4. hang tight ok. I've had those wandering 3 a.m. times...feeling yuck...but it always somehow passes. Hoping it's passed for you...and you're feeling better.