Thursday, April 15, 2010

"treat her like a baby doll"

Cleaning is hard and tiring, especially when you are waking up all hours of the night so anxious and in great need of a pop tart. I know eating pop tarts in the middle of the night is a bad habit, but it's better than popping klonopin.

We just got approved for an equity line of credit to fix up our house. I'm so excited to have some money to do the work that needs to get done! Our home appraised for $640,000. We bought it for $550,000 about a year and a half ago. With the housing market crash that was especially strong in the bay area, we are shocked that the house actually appreciated in value. I feel like quite a lucky duck.

On May 4th Ronald has to go out of town overnight. I'm fine with him flying (most of the time), but a night without him will be hard. I think it's because my dad would leave for 6 months at a time in the military and when he came back he was never the same and treated me differently. I'm afraid the same thing will happen with Ron. That he will come back and not love me. I know it's silly but I'm still nervous and expecting the old pattern to repeat. That feeling of abandonment, not just physical but more importantly emotional has stuck with me like a nail in my flesh. I will get through it though, this is a good step in my search for more independence.

1 comment:

  1. May 4th.... Let me know if you want to have dinner together... Your place or mine or ???