I have all this good stuff in my life. Ronald, in-laws that are like the parents I never had, a real sister, a few very good friends, and things still suck. I have a house, I live in my dream town, we have all this money coming in, I have the freedom to be artistic and make things all day, and I'm still stuck and sinking into doom. It's fucking frustrating.
I'm exhausted, I can't put into words how tired I am of all this shit. I get my hopes up when I have good days, but I'm realizing more and more that I shouldn't. I know I'm whining, but god it's hard. This really makes me not believe in God. How can he let people go through so much pain without rescuing them?
Sending a great big hug! Love, Silke
ReplyDeleteHello, sweet girl. I'm a fellow depression fighter who started young and is now 56. I have lived through the dark hole many times, often with help from the psychiatric community. Just last October I went to the psych hospital for two weeks.
ReplyDeleteI'm here to tell you two things. First, depression is a real illness, not a mere complaint or a whining personality. It is an illness that strikes some of us no matter how lovely our lives are.
Second, it can be survived, and the black will recede. It's like a long ocean wave that we ride until it fades away, and leaves us at peace again.
My advice is to see a member of the medical community who specializes in mental illness. I take medication, and since October my whole world has become light-filled again.
This can happen for you, too.
Love and hugs,
Chris from Enchanted Oak
I'm not religious myself, but some are said to believe this suffering is a test of strength, some believe it's just an exaggerated part of the human personality that could be used to flourish in some way. Things to ponder, I guess.
ReplyDelete"Whine" away - That's part of what blogging's for. ;)
You sound like I feel (more often then not) - Many *hugs* <3