want

I don't want to say anything. I don't know what to say. It's a rain filled morning and I'm thinking about things. I feel ready to move on from my parents, in a real way. I need to stop allowing their actions or lack of actions affect me. I am angry at them and that is ok. I should be, considering everything that has happened. And so that is what I am: angry, yet determined. Determined to get over them and to get through this.


I'm tired of being depressed, I'm tired of letting my parents and my past make me depressed. I need to face these feelings and get through them rather than just getting melancholy and letting it steep and fester. I also need to figure out what I think about things. Not what I think I am supposed to think, not what others want me to think, but honestly what I think. I need to figure out who I want to be, how I want to live and what I like.

Here are some things:

1. I want to live a creative life and make things all the time, I don't want to work unless I have to or really want to.

2. I want to be a mother. A creative, loving, attentive mother.

3. I want to be vulnerable with the people I can trust.

4. I want to be a spiritual person. Not necessarily a Christian, or someone who fits in a box, but someone who is in touch with spiritual things.

5. I want to get over my enormous fear of mathematics.

6. I want to be a cook and a baker.

7. I want to be a loving person who genuinely cares for people.

8. I want to show my love for Ronald better and continue to grow in our relationship.