Today started out hopeful but has landed now in a gray-clay-slump. He came home to take care of me and I took a two hour nap. I took a shower and spent an hour getting ready, doing things slowly, unhappy with how it all turned out. It looks like someone took old vanilla frosting and spread it all over the sky, it is so dark. I wish it were bedtime.
I wish I had more friends who lived close who could take me out and cheer me up during the day when I'm sad (this is slightly selfish I think). I feel very isolated and alone and friends are hard to find. All my friends work during the day so other than email there is no way to connect.
Some days when he is teaching somewhere moderately far away I feel it, that sinking fear feeling that I am all alone. Most of the time I enjoy being alone. Especially on my good days. I can be creative, let my guard down, sing songs off key, bake and cook random messes, and read all with no interruptions. It's really exactly what I want other than having some cute little babies making trouble for me.
I had a pretty good week, it had to end sometime.
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Every event has highs and lows. It sounds as though you had a really good week overall. Try to focus on the positive!
ReplyDeleteI am with Lily here dear one. ((((Catherine))))
ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie, I wish I lived closer to you! We'd have fun going out for coffees, painting together, being creative, just talking and going for walks! I'd have to teach me how to take wonderful photos and paint little houses. But even though we live on opposite sides of this country, I feel very close to you!! Thank you for being my friend!! Love, Silke
ReplyDeletelonliness hurts so much....it's sometime so deep but I've found it ebbs and flows. Hoping today is a better day...and if I lived close....I'd have you over....Sarah
ReplyDeleteIf we lived close I'd pick you up for coffee and make you laugh about my new glasses. I like yours a lot. You would like mine. Here's a hug for (((you))).
ReplyDeleteChris
Catherine,do not feel selfish with desiring to have IRL friends close by...... I Do Too! I understand needing support, I really really do!
ReplyDeleteFor now here is a virtual hug.... (((((Catherine))))