I was feeling good for a few moments today. I read and drank coffee with him at Starbucks. On the way home we saw a newborn baby and talked about how I feel so-sort-of-ready to have one. If only I wasn't so tired and if only I could get through this sadness. I think I made some big steps last week but this weekend has been hard. With things with my mom coming up it has brought back all the pain and bitterness and I feel torn and guilty because although I am concerned about her, I don't feel any desire to reach out to her.
So I heard from my sister that my mom's cancer most likely not life threatening. She is going in for surgery soon to get it removed. Interesting that they didn't tell us it wasn't life threatening until we asked. Some moments I think they enjoy being vague and unthoughtful about things. Whether they know it or not, they are being manipulative.
We did talk about some steps I could take to prepare more for the baby. Things that will make me stronger like maybe taking some classes at school, getting in shape and getting into more of a routine. We'll see how it goes.
I think a routine is the best thing you can do! Babies run on routines and if you can establish your own before you have to figure out how to establish theirs.. it would be wonderful! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that a routine can really be helpful. That said, I have a hard time sticking to mine when I'm feeling sad and anxious. Sometimes the simplest thing you can do is the best. Take one step at a time. Figure out the next right thing to do and do it... then go from there.
ReplyDeleteHope things get better.