I need a nanny. A nanny to wake me up, make me breakfast, clean the house, help me dress, brush my hair, and take care of the dogs. These things are nearly impossible for me to do right now. I imagine my nanny a large sweet kind woman in vintage garb (she has to somehow be transported from 1901), she is gentle and pleasant to talk to and gives me good advice.Above are my two sick beds, our bed and the chaise in the living room. I hate these places, they remind me too much of being sick. I love my art room, but wish I had the energy and ability to spend time in it, tidy up and create.
Its so hard being this depressed and having no energy to distract myself with other things. Instead I live in mess and clutter, I can't even take care of myself. This makes things so much worse. Its hard to describe how debilitated I am right now, I'm good at hiding how much this bothers me, I'm good at pulling myself together when I have to and hiding how hard it is to shower, dress, get made up--how this takes all my energy.
I'm alone for a few hours this morning and it is hard and I'm lonesome. I'm glad I miss him so much when he is gone. He is utterly amazing; working and going to school and caring for me. I don't know how he does it.
Catherine I don't think that you should hide it and I am glad that you have here to state it.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I am listening. I am not from 1901 but I am a big woman (217 pounds). So come for a hug whenever you need it.
One of my friends that is getting chemo right now says when she leaves the living room she takes one article out of there and puts it away. Hey, its a start.
xoxoxo