weary

I'm very tired this weekend. Its frustrating dealing with a ton of side effects while the medicine seems to not be helping me feel any better. I have a never ending headache. I'm sick of waiting and waiting for medicine to work. I've been waiting for almost three months to see if this Lamictal will work and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. I am on 200 milligrams and we can go up to 400, but we have to raise it in 50 milligram increments every two weeks. So I can possibly be waiting about two more months to see if this medicine is right for me. Its beyond frustrating when I am depressed and feeling miserable physically, mentally and emotionally. I am at an utter loss for words trying to describe it. It feels like I am in a noose and it is tightening.

I'm trying to think of the positive, to keep my mind off how bad it is, to stay distracted with other things, but its almost impossible to really forget and get lost in something else while I am feeling like shit. I feel like I could cry for weeks and still not express how miserable I am right now. I know I need to take things one day, one moment at a time and keep my chin up, but God is this harder than I ever imagined it could be. I never knew you could go through so much pain without dying. Sometimes I feel like God's little experiment.

Wish me luck and pray for me please.