Monday

Ron went back to work today. His first day back to the office (other than to teach classes) in about three weeks. Its strange being alone, making my own breakfast, not talking in the morning. Its a hard but good thing. Good to get back into real life, good to rely on myself more.

It was a bad/good/bad weekend. Saturday was great. We went to lunch, to read at Starbucks and then to see the movie 9. Sunday was up and down for me. In the morning we went to Home Depot and Ron bought me some flowers to plant in pots in the front yard and a sad little pine tree that needed us. We came home and I pummeled back into the murky depths for the rest of the day. I felt like crying but couldn't cry; it felt horrible. We watched a show about 9/11 and that really messed me up. All evening I was anxious and all night I had nightmares.

Now its Monday and he is gone and I need to get moving in order to tide the emotional lull. I have things to do: rooms to organize, things to spray paint, flowers to plant. But its raining on and off and the dogs are outside getting their paws soaked in it, and it smells so sweet and I feel so distant.