grow up

I feel like my growth has stopped due to my illness. Maybe it is still there, maybe it is smaller than a pin hole, or maybe it is more concentrated and aloof than it used to be. Regardless, I can't shake this feeling of stagnation.

My heart isn't in things anymore. It lurks on the fringes, prim and proper. I am in the darkness, in the gutter next to the crumpled up trash of humanity. It stinks, and I'm still here.

Last night I dreamed about cleaning the house only to wake to the mess around me, a literal and figurative mess. This afternoon I think I will try to tidy away and see how much I can get done.

I'm so relieved it is hath September.