esteem

I'm having serious self-esteem issues lately. I feel fat, disgusting, used up and ruined both emotionally and physically. I am so out of shape, my medicine has made me gain so much weight, I feel horrible. Every night I dream that I have lost weight and every morning I wake up to the same old me. I think back to when I was tiny and think of how happy I was. But really I was just as unhappy as I am now; I felt disgusting, I was ashamed to tell people my size. In retrospect I see how silly/stupid/young I was.

I'm having so much anxiety. I'm scared of being alone, scared to even leave the house. I can't drive and constantly imagine horrible things happening. I have to work harder, work at controlling this monster. Today I'm just exhausted though. Today I don't want to face it.