I went through iphoto this morning and found lots of old cute photographs. I seem to not be so good at taking pictures of daily life, so these pictures will have to do.I'm so happy its Friday! This has been the longest week. I can't wait for the weekend. Saturday will either be without Ronald or doing home projects with Ronald's parents, Sunday will be our first day of rest in a few weeks. Of course Ronald will have homework both days but maybe we will have time to go read or go on a little movie date.
It's so cold in the mornings and I love it. Autumn makes me feel so alive and present, so excited and expectant for things to come. I'm inspired to write again (finally), to go to Starbucks and read, to go to parks and take pictures.
I would go to Starbucks if I felt a little less self-conscious. I feel huge and think that everyone sees me as a chubby Goliath monster. I mean huge; I mean that I think I can't fit through doors huge. Its horrible. Its debilitating. It keeps me from doing the things I want to do. Sadly, even when I was small I felt this way. I think I have body dysmorphic disorder, which sucks. I'm trying to get over it. Having a guy as a therapist makes me uncomfortable to bring these things up. It seems like whenever I do he skims over it like it isn't a big deal. I think a woman would understand better. Maybe I will talk to him about it this week. I don't like being seen, in public or anytime really. I wish I could hide forever and wear a poncho all the time to hide how I really look.
Anyway, I didn't mean to fill this post with self-loathing but I guess I did...
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
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